Get Up!…the words that saved me

Have you ever been so far down in life that you had no desire to get out of bed in the mornings? You wondered what your purpose was in life. You had no desire to wake up the next time you closed your eyes; or, you cried out to God and you asked, ‘Why?’ Yet, you felt your prayers were going no place and only falling on deaf ears?

Friend, as dark as it sounds, I have been in that place. I am here to tell you, the year 2009 was the most difficult year of my life. There were truly days that I wasn’t sure what would happen to me; and frankly, I didn’t really care.

A couple of major things took place for me within just a short couple of months. First of all, I had just told the biggest secret of my life. A secret I had kept for 45 years; the secret of sexual child abuse. I had finally come to realize that my well kept secret was affecting me as an individual and affecting relationships in many areas of my life. So I faced the sleeping giant (another story). However, as devastating as that was, it was minor compared to the phone call I received on January 8^th. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, ‘Your life could be changed forever with a simple phone call’. I am here to tell you, it is so very true. That night I was called to the hospital only to learn that my husband Jack had passed away with a heart attack. I was in total shock at the words I heard the doctor say. It was as if I were having a nightmare….the words kept echoing in my head…over and over again. All I wanted to do was see him; see for myself, because my heart would not let me believe the doctor’s words. Then, I saw it was no longer a nightmare, but a real truth. I knew at that moment life as I knew it would never be the same again.

As the days, the weeks, and the months went on I began wonder why the sun still came up in the mornings, why the birds still sang a happy tune, why life continued on as my world had crumbled all around me. I began to go deeper and deeper into depression. The person I was only a few months before had been completely stripped from me. The changes that had taken place in my life, transformed me into a person I no longer recognized; everything that had protected me for so many years was gone….the walls of secrecy…my husband…all of it gone. And I had no idea how to deal with it, nor did I have the energy or desire to do so. Life just became darker and darker each day. Oh sure, family and friends tried their best to help me, but much to no avail.

Then, early one morning in April, I was in a very deep sleep when suddenly I was abruptly awakened at 4:00 AM. I heard the words, “Get up! I said, Get up!” At first my thoughts were, I was dreaming. I was a child dreaming that my mother was trying to get me out of bed. The words ‘Get up’ continued to ring in my ears. Finally, my eyes opened wide. Who was there? Why did I need to get up? It was 4:00 in the morning. Then quickly, the voice became as clear as the words written on this page. “Lorraine, ‘Get up’! You must get up because no one else can do this for you. Do you remember the man in Bethesda? The man by the pool who waited 38 years for someone to pick him up and put him in the pool so he could be healed? Jesus went to him and told him, Get up! Pick up your bed and walk!” That morning God told me that I must do the same as the man by the pool and I could not rely on anyone else to help me. I had to be the one to get up and walk; the one to take control of the healing in my life. I had to put one foot in front of the other and walk again; one step at a time.

Well there is so much that happened that day, I can’t begin to share in this simple page. But, what I will say, it was an adventurous day full of life. As a result of that day and those two simple words, “Get up”, my life has not been the same. You see, I began to write my morning pages from the journey God sent me on that particular day. And from that journey and my writings, you are seeing the birth of ‘Women in Motion’, my ministry for sexually abused women and children; ‘Rocking Chair Chatter’, the blog you are reading today; and ‘My Front Porch Friends’ the name God gave me for the official writing of Life stories and Memoirs of others.

So in close let me say, this is just a small glimpse of my life story. Just like you, I have story after story; some good and yet some not so good. I also know this; I am not the only one who has experienced life’s issues of sexual abuse or even the death of a spouse or a loved one. But I can say; this is my truth and my personal experience with darkness that I share with you. Because I know, sometimes we don’t see God at work in our lives, but if we hold on, and hold on tight we will soon be able to see the fruit. I won’t kid you, it is hard and sometimes you feel like giving up, but please don’t! Hold on! Believe in yourself …AND… believe in God. Through Him all things are possible!

I hope you have enjoyed today’s story. And although it may seem a bit dark and a lot of specific details are left out, I hope you see the light and all the possibilities for your own life. That’s what so great about sharing stories….the good ones and the bad ones…at the end of the day we can still see life in them. That my friend is my truth.

Bible Scriptures referenced today: John 5: 1- 15; Matt. 19: 26

This article is in memory of: Jack Steven Mayfield (Feb 23, 1945 – Jan 8, 2009), my husband.

I offer my services to write memoirs and life stories of you and your loved ones. It’s as simple as sitting on a front porch sharing story after story about your life and your loved ones as you relax in a rocking chair, chattering away about what you know best….your loved ones.

Please continue to read my blog  http://rockingchairchatter.com and be sure to keep a watch for my new website  http://www.myfrontporchfriends.com/ as we continue to write our stories.

Enjoyed the chat,

Lorraine

Lorraine McFarland lives in Plant City, Florida. She is a professional writer specializing in memoirs, life story writing, and capturing memories of your loved ones.

Copyright March 2011 by Lorraine McFarland. The author retains sole copyright to her contributions to this article.

Life Stories